Clowns can't frown... can they?

Dilemma has hit the five major House leaders as they have hit upon the most intriguing question of them all: Do clowns frown? One man asked this question at a summit last wekk, and since then, it has been passed back and forth, spawning all kinds of speculation and creating more questions than answers could ever... well, answer.

There is a theory that clowns only frown when paying exorbitant amounts of money, and has been proved to be completely and utterly true. I tried it! It was kind of depressing though... don't try it if you don't want to be guilty

The speculation has lead to almost every scientist in the realm... err, in Sirius, and all research has been canceled. So no Ultra Pleasure Androids for christmas, boys. Synthetic Cardamine is down the tubes, Navy personnel have been called off for no particular reason other than providing tactical analysis of the Clowns. And they finally figured out what they've been doing too - planning a massive strike on the Nomads. Now that I've said that, prepare for all clowns to infested with those Octopus-like thingies. Watch your backs, children.

Warning you of impending doom from clowns, this is Comfort, AoF Void News.

Damn Synth Foods! Everyone's doing it!

In a scandal that has rocked Liberty and its titanic economy right to their foundations, Synth Foods (a major Libertonian corporation), has been accused of birth defects owing to their revolutionary 'Synth Paste'. Judging by the name, I can't say they're far off.

This was all started by a Kusarian mother, who gave birth to a baby on Kyushu and found it had 2 heads, 5 hearts and one barnacle. Needless to say, it shocked the Doctors and Nurses into disbelief. "I... I think I know understand why people believe in religion. They don't have to worry about this stuff scarring them in Heaven... or wherever..." Said one Nurse. Crazy cow. The Doctors were no better, quoting; "The second head didn't seem quite alive... but from time to time, one head would lay still and the other would move. Serious Horror movie moment. Special effects too... I got puke all over my gown."

The Kusari lady, now positively identified as Lang Wang, is a suspect in this case. Synth Foods say she did something to the feotus, she says something in their product made her child end up this way. And you know how those courts always believe women. Even if they do happen to have connections in the Farmers Alliance. Big ones. And in the Hogosha.And in the Golden Crysanthemums. In fact, the list goes all the way to the Bundschuh. I dare not ask how they got there.
Neither will Synth Foods, who later decided to settle for a 40mil payoff. The criminals will be happy with that one. Lang certainly is. And she should be. Scandals work themselves up and the Libertonian corporation will be recovering from this for centuries to come, say some experts. I don't trust experts, though. After all, they predicted the great Dark Matter Storm of 750AS. Do you see it? I sure don't. And neither do the residents of Ames Research Station. Retards.


Comfort, AoF Void News.

Pheeew!, thanks God I only eat Luxury Food.

What shall we do with the drunken Nomad, what shall we do with the drunken Nomad, what shall we do with the drunken Nomad, earliye in the mornin!

Today, a strange tactic has been adopted by Cargo Runners in the Borderworlds to counteract Nomad attacks - drop alcohol in front of their ships! A well known fact is that most Nomad ships seem to be grown rather than built, having large amounts of organic material in them rather than metallic constructs. Well, being organic, it means they're just a susceptible to drunkeness as us Humans - if not more.

This discovery was made completely by accident when a Convoy transporting Liberty Ale to Leonnatus was caught by a Nomad patrol while in the process of mooring. The Nomad Fighters closed in for the kill, the convoy not seeming to have a chance. But, by some miraculous event, most of the Nomad Lasers missed the ship and hit the Cargo containers, spilling their Ale-ish contents. The Fighters flew right through this, and a few seconds afterwards, started flying strangely erratically.
"They may fly erratically all the time, but this time it seemed.... different..." Said the Bridge Officer on board the Transport.
The Nomad Fighters flew off course into the Atmosphere of Leonnatus, and consequently blew up. One ship, however, didn't quite hit the atmosphere... it embedded itself into the side of the Transport. "It came out nowhere - I just heard a great bang, and I turned around, and there was the nose of a Nomad ship there! Thank god I had my Vac-suit on!" Shouted one gunner, while still trying to jettison his pod (we're always there that early. It's almost like we cause this stuff...).
An analysis of the ships' organic material indicated it was intoxicated at the time of the crash. Not surprising, seeing as the Nomad opened the ship cockpit without a suit on. He ended up in the atmosphere of Leonnatus, along with his fallen fellow spawn.

This tactic is being adopted all over Sirius, and is working wonders for Convoy protection - even against other fighters! "We dumped that Wine, and the bastard was blind! Last time I get attacked by an Outcast, I tell you!", shouted one belated Ageira trader. He was indeed blinded. Pirates are also counteracting this new 'dumping' tactic, as it has become known, are installing windshield wipers on their ships. It still works, and makes flying through a dust cloud easier too.

So come on, think of the Nomad ships! Give them some pleasure instead of splitting them apart with your Annihalators! DUMP SOME WINE!!


Comfort, AoF Void News. Please don't sure, I'm sure any copyrights have been broken long before I got here.

Robots gone wild!

Earlier today, a Robot patrol gunned down a Liberty Dreadnought patrol. The reasons are unknown, and the Robot High Council is saying nothing. The only clue are strange screaming and whistling static sounds on the flight recorder of the Dreadnought, which appear in the final moments. Investigation into these sounds is continuing, as is the investigation into where the offending Robot patrol went. The authorities are looking for Commander Droid 1, Wingman Droid 3, Ace Droid 5, and several other Robotical nemesis'.

The Dreadnought went down hard, as these pictures recovered from a life pod will attest:







Unfortunately, no living thing was found in the escape pod, excepting a fly. We have no idea how the photos got in the life pod or how the life pod ejected. It's only speculation at this point, but apparently the Dreadnought was on some sort of a undercover mission. What that undercover mission was isn't beyond even speculation, but it may have been something to with the strange sattelites that have been found in Zeta-1 Scorpii and Tartarus.


Comfort, AoF Void News.

Is this Lord Of The Flies?

In an extremely bizzare Government Scandal, it has been found out that major Government Politicians have been but Androids, being operated by... well... there's only one way to say this. They have been run by hyper-intelligent Flies.

When the Vice President of Synth Foods was shot through the head by a Kusarian radicle (read story above . Turns out he had a hollow head (no surprises there) with nothing inside. Save one squashed fly (now there's the surprise!). It was a strange finding, and tests confirm (what the hell kind of tests are these?) that the fly was not killed after the shooting.

The Vice President was an actual biological construct, and the Fly is believed to have Telepath(et)ic abilities to control it. How these things have not been detected is a complete mystery to everyone, including the Fly itself. Although the fact that it was dead at the time kind of counts out its reply.

An investigation to find the other Flies in the ointment is underway, but given the nature of the Fly, they're probably already gone. How do we know the nature of the fly? Well, they wouldn't leave us the f*** alone on the Sleeper Ships, that's how.


Comfort, AoF Void News.

All Flies in the scandal above have been accounted for! We found a roster with one of them tht outlined all the Flies' names and hosts, and have captured/killed/maimed/nuked all of them. To death.

The next step, of course, was to find out how and why these things infected our politicians. The autopsies of the Flies found that they have Hel DNA. They have now been nicknamed 'The Flies From Hel'. Nobody even wants to know how this happened, although the more disgusting scientists have gone and said the Hel are just whores. Makes about right sense, and they are butt-ugly, which also seems to fit in with the theory... well, at least it makes sense for once. Those scientists are as confusing as... as... as... aww, dammit*!

Well since this discovery, Bounty Hunters have doubled their patrol sizes, although this really hasn't made a difference, because the Hel are indestructible when faced with just Bounty Hunter laser cannons. Even Rogues can't be killed by them. Bloody pathetic.

Well, since the Flies have all been tracked down (and then cut down), there really is no way to tell where they actually came from. Although everyone loves the Hel Whore theory for some reason. God, humans are wierd...


Comfort, AoF Void News. *I know this is a bad production, but without the Void, my mind is creatively blank for Freelancer

Today, something went wrong. No one knows where, no one knows how, but it happened. It erupted into your pathetic ruling parliament, and scattered them like bowling pins. Your leaders are gone, your masses disillusioned, what shall you do? It is chaos in the streets! Chaos in the trade lanes! Chaos in.... Baden-Baden? All we know is, it's everywhere! (maybe excepting Spa And Cruise planets and bases) And it's coming your way...

You may ask what this particular chaos is. What it is, what it's doing here, and what may have happened to release it. Well, I'll tell you this; it is no mere thing. It is, after all, not a thing at all. It is chaos. Just pure chaos. And this is no mere Warhammer 40,000 chaos; not, it is outside your computer/book/Playstation and pwning your neighbours and parliament. This is not a plan of the Black Legion. This is a plan of no one. This does not need a plan. It is chaos, afterall, and chaos never has a plan; it never has rules; it never has strategy - It just has chaos. And chaos is chaotic, obviously enough.

So, here's the plan: Hide underground for a while. C'mon, I got Water. I have Food Rations. I even have Consumer Goods. Cardamine as well. Better not let any LPI through, then. When it's over, we'll come back to the surface. We'll be Morpeople by then, so good luck with your new blue complexion!

Oh, and about this chaos thingie, you ask? Well, it's not likely to end anytime soon. I am told it looks like a giant piece of candy. Don't eat it, though - but I doubt you would anyway. It's the size of a planet, so far.


Comfort, hiding in a bunker, AoF Void News.

Well, it had to happen sometime. Liberty has monopolised the car wash business.

Yes, it's true - as a new addition to Fort Bush, since it is quite the delta hub in New York - a car wash has been installed for Battleships, traders and fighters. An enterprising business originally led by space-carwash inventor Scanig Roggin, has been tested on Battleships and has been found to do an excellent paint job as well! Seems that the monopoly will never stop for Liberty, doesn't it?

Our stupid, unpaid intern has managed to secure these photographs:




He's a bad photographer, I know. Anyhoo, with these pictures sold to Rheinland - for a tidy profit, I might add - I'm sure our unpaid intern deserves at least 10 cents. I'd better go give it to him. Or I'll pocket it. They are bad pictures, afterall...

Back on topic, the carwash has already opened and is serving everyone. Just don't choose lime green for a colour - it does NOT SUIT ANY SHIP! Trust me, there is no way the Rogues can miss you either. And their the second worst shots in Sirius! (after the Gaians, of course)


Comfort, coping with a lime-green craft, AoF Void News.

Dresden shall not fall! Oh, wait, it already has..? Dammit, not again....

As some of you may already have heard, the Syndicate have taken over Dresden in a bid to increase their reign of terror over Sirius! The forces of the 4S Squad and the ESF so far have not dettered them, even though they have launched strike after strike at the Syndicate base in Omicron Theta. The effects have been minimal, to say the least, and many craft have fallen to the hands of these insane cyborgs.

After an action last night involving a dogs' chew-toy and an ESF Battleship, the Black Legion decided this was getting too close to home and joined in the fray. The ESF route came in through the Alexandria jump hole, no doubt, but the Black Legion, being based around Omicron Gamma thought it was too close anyway.

The engagement did not last long, but the ESF craft got a couple of fighters down before it blew up. It was a spectacular fireworks display, by the way. Big and fiery and everything. Even had a space-motorbike making a jump across is at the end. But, alas, the situation in Dresden has still not resolved itself. The Syndicate remain in control of the system, and refuse to give an inch to any simple human Navy organisation.

Give a hand, if you wish, but you shall fail, like a... fish...?


Comfort, AoF Void News.

After the f***about in Dresden, and subsequent retribution in Omicron Theta with the Syndicate and Black Legion, the Reavers have decided to take a stab at being system-grubbing hoarders, and have had an invasion of New Berlin and Sparta.

Apparently it was massive carnage, even though only 1 Reaver seemed to cause all the panic. Insanity is their game, eating your flesh is their game. And this is the... eat-fleshiest. -=REAVERS=-BloodRage has caused most of the uprising, and with no precident or reason, he really seems like the average Reaver. Except, of course, for the deadliness. It's much more... deadly, than normal.

Anyway, here's the links to the original threads, done up by Markus-Katar (he does some damn good RP, lol)
New Berlin domination
Sparta domination

If there ever was any doubts about the insanity of the corporate entity known as Synth Foods, then today they were finally dispelled.

When the president of the corporation came onto the stage of a conference in a tutu, most thought it was simply a joke. It was a costume party afterall, and a little craziness never hurt anyone. When the vice president came in wearing nothing but y-fronts and a sign that proclaimed 'free hugs', then people started to worry. The guards were foiled in their attempts to stop the duo dancing for about half an hour by several banana bombs, manufactured out of low-yield explosive and banana shrapnel.

Even though they were looking a bit nutty, one guest said the performance was; "Sensational! I loved it! I'm coming back next week - I love classicals performed in underwear!" The person who supplied this comment was the under-secretary of the minister of finance for the Synth Foods corporation, and has since been fired due to some scandal involving the presidents tutu and a very small janitorial closet. He hasn't been heard from since. Nor will he ever be...

And there are yet more surpirses from Synth Foods! They have released a new product, christened 'Synth Off-Your-Face', a new alcoholic fruit. Yes, fruit. It has been fused with a anaerobic organisms' DNA, making it produce alcohol during respiration within its cells. Thsi will be a great profit for Synth Foods, as now people can eat healthy and get completely wasted at the same time. "A popular choice for models and skinny whores alike" is the catch phrase, and it seems to be catching on well.

As for me? Nah, I'd never touch the stuff. I'd just sell it at twice the reccomended price. Wanna buy some?


Comfort, AoF Void News.

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The question has been here for a while. Thousands of years, actually. Maybe even hundreds of thousands. Did anyone ever actually read the time readouts from launch on the sleeper ships? Anyway, it's been around for a long time. It is the question of what happens after death.

Many have asked it. And the answer is always one of two: Either you go up to some version of heaven/hell. Or, you end up floating in some eternal blackness, perhaps even devoid of the consciousness of your surroundings.

Soon enough, though, this question will be answered. Teams from the Liberty-Kusari coalition company of Death Investigation Corp are sending teams into....*creepy background organ music*... THE AFTERLIFE.

The plan is to kill these scientists before sending them in. The teams will have 'Soul Cords' tied to them so their spirirts can find their way back to their bodies. This is, in fact, a very long rope will glow-in-the-dark paint on it. It is hoped it will be an adequate substitute. The scientists will perform a search and analysation exploratory expedition into the world beyond life, and record what they see. They will be doing this with glow-in-the-dark painted paper. And glow-in-the-dark painted pens. It will indeed be slightly... dumb. But it is entertaining to little children. Especially the stationery with little lizards on them.

Well, everyone - including me - has little optimism for this little adventure to be. Except the little children, who really just want the paper and pens with the little lizards on them. The company is wealthy enough to pay for it on their own, which is part of the plan and also a slight godsend, as nobody - and I mean nobody - would endorse them with money. Quotes, maybe. But not money.


Comfort, expecting this stupidity to fail, AoF Void News.

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The Daam K'Vosh rule WHAT?!?

Well, that little experiment with the glow in the dark paint, a couple of ropes, and a few dozen suicidal scientists has produced the strangest results ever known to... well, anything. Ever since humans discovered the first artifacts belonging to them, human kind has wanted to know where the Daam K'Vosh went when they left Sirius. This has been the subject of many a debate, the most famous being "The Coming of the Great Giant Soup Cans", in which it was suggested that the Daam K'Vosh were wiped out by a strange species of self-devouring food receptacles. This was quite the controversial debate, ending in several people unjured from trying to fit themselves into soup cans. Monkey hear, monkey do, as the saying goes (well, almost).

Okay, back to the story at hand. If the scientists heading this investigation expected anything whatsoever in their findings, it was certainly not this. They have found artifacts in... wherever they went. It appears that the same race, the Daam K'Vosh, have been in the other world (let's call it that for now), and have been and done their business there too. Nomads, fortunately enough, aren't there, as they are just emotionally immature little arseholes life forms who try to blast us out of the sky for no reason. On another note, there are Robots there as well, which presents another wierd question not fit for discussion in this story. Strange relics were found around the place, including a buddha shrine (wtf), a statue of Jesus (WTF), and a bobble-head Nomad (merchandising? WTF!!).

But, alas, the Daam K'Vosh seem to be missing from here too, and with them, yet again, has gone any chance of fully knowing or understanding them. The search shall continue, wherever possible... but it's fairly hard to track someone out of the afterlife. It's fairly hard to track them in there in the first place! Some other interesting thing is that no gods were there, either. It is rumoured they were out at pilates class, but who in the hell trusts an insane spirirt that keeps humping your glow-in-the-dark rope?

But there is a consolation prize. It's a big, beautiful, smoke-trailing bong! And it can be found in Tartarus. 'Roundabouts the Research Ship Minos. Just like Martha Stewart would say: It's a good thing.


Comfort, AoF Void News.

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If you're crazy, then you might as well say it now.

Well, since Synth Foods went down the tubes, and the senior staff starting dancing about in frilly things (or nothing at all), the company's profit has been falling like the Bloodhound that fell into that Manhatten guys backyard. In fact, it has plummetted so far, that it is now worth less than the shares from Pedo-corp, who, contrary to popular belief actually make farm machinery. Their original founder just had a very unfortunate name.

Since the Liberty Government last gave up money around 523AS, when they forgave all foreign debt for jump gates and trade lanes. Well, since then (and before then) Liberty has been very pessimistic about giving away its money. It may be the richest House, but that doesn't mean it has to do anything about it. But, this has forced it to think. Synth Foods is a Liberty faction, and so is heavily intertwined with the flow of money into the coffers of Libertonians. If they went under, then it would be a major blow to commerce, Synth Foods being of the big three and everything. Then again, the CEO was dancing in a tutu... DISMISSED.


Comfort, desperately trying to understand what he just wrote, AoF Void News.

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Politics are boring. It's a well-known fact. In fact, it's the only sure fact we seem to have. But somehow, with a probably quite major distortion in the fabric of space-time, it has become interesting. At least to those who like hooks for hands.

In a dingy little town, on a street with no name, in a bar with a capital "L" and little else over the front doorway, there was held a meeting on congress. Not just any congress, though; Pirate Congress. Yes, the infamous house of hispanian children (Corsairs and Outcasts), their helpers (all the house pirate factions), and the occasional pick-pocketer, gathered at this bar with little name to discuss their future. Everyone but the Xenos were there. They aren't cool enough to be invited to this kind of party.

The congress summit was called for one reason, and one reason only: Piracy is dying. Transports are still being caught and their cargo stolen, but in ever-decreasing quantities. Escorts are pitiful, every Pirate knows that, but hired guns (aka freelancers) have been defending these convoys in increasing numbers. Any escorts are shot down in seconds by pirates, but when it comes to freelancers, the tables are completely turned. Pirates are down in seconds and the convoy makes a getaway, completely free of harrassment. "This cannot be allowed to continue. Our profits are down one third this past year, and food shortages have become a plague across our territories and outposts. We cannot allow this to continue if we wish to survive. A plan has been drawn up to combat these freelancers. All will be explained shortly." was the quote from one of the Outcast delegates, or at least before our man on the insade was captured. He was caught bragging in the bathroom. Stupid...

Although, thanks to our moles stupidity, we have no idea what this plan to combat the freelancer 'threat' is, speculations have been drawn up that it could mean a major invasion on New York, which is the source of all new freelancers. No action has been taken at this time, although it is expected that military insanity may ensue. Then again, that's my speculation.

Comfort, speculating on things that will never want or require his speculation, AoF Void News.

With all the new ships flitting about Sirius these days, the Corsairs seem to have won the trophy for best ownage mobile. The TR-13 is a ship that has high stats in all the major areas - armor, weapon capacity, and looks.

This has created a few major problems about the Corsair territories. Suddenly, everything but the Sabre and the Eagle is as good as useless, and the Corsairs are stepping up their game. You remember that whole news series about the plan to take Omega-5 (among other places) and win the passage into Bretonia forever? Yeah, well, now it's happening. Not only that, but they've expanded their plans. They no longer just wish for passage into Bretonia and the security of artifact trades in Kusari, but they want Alexandria. Permanently. They will drive the Outcast from Darius and Achean right back into Omicron Alpha, and make the Liberty Rogues leave by carefully worded threats to their Veterans and Aces. Words do a lot more damage than force, especially with the Liberty Rogues, who are just absolute cowards and will leave at the drop of a feather.

Buildups in force have been witnessed at the Perdiccas Depot, and a lot of activity has been witnessed around the Omicron Theta jump hole. But that is only in Alexandria. Half an hour ago, we lost all contact with listening posts near all jumps to and from Omega-5 and Omega-47, including the one to Zeta Leonis. The medical research station there, designation Pherkad, has also ceased all transmissions. All that was heard was a scene of panic and destruction, ending in one large static burst which shattered 5 peoples eardrums and left 25 people deaf. That's our entire freaking communications staff. Thanks a BUNCH, ya stupid Hispanic bastards.

In Bretonia, strangely enough, nothing has happened whatsoever. Most scanners can't penetrate the thick ice clouds that lie around the Omega-5 jump hole, which leaves it as an absolute mystery. Legionnare scout parties have been sighted frequently however, and the Bretonia Armed Forces have set up a heavy defensive perimeter behind the Cambridge line. Battleship after battleship is entering the Cambridge system, with destroyers and gunboats following suite, along with the usual Crusaders, and a new class of fighter, the designation of which has not yet been released (which is code for "um... crap, I forgot").

Whatever is coming, it's going to hit hard. Everyone, even me, is warning people to stay the hell away from the place. Trust me, the last guy who went in there is sleeping with the fishes. He was discovered in a lake on planet Cambridge. Those Corsairs are goood.

Comfort, wondering how he's going to end this, AoF Void News
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It's happened. The Corsairs finally decided to take what is so 'rightfully' theirs. An all-out attack has begun on the fronts of Omega-5, Omega-11, and Alexandria. After a bit of debate, Zeta Leonis was completely ignored as that is a fairly boring, dead-end, non-profit system full of nothing but Cryer Pharmaceuticals business representatives (ransom really isn't in the Corsairs' style). Omega-47 was compltely overwhelmed by the initial strike force, consisting of about 20 TR-13 and 60 Titan class very heavy fighters. The Hessians, in their Warhounds and Sabres, didn't stand a chance. A few seconds of bedlam on the radio channels, and all was silent.

The defence at Ronneburg stood a little better, with the Hessians managing to repel the first wave. However, backup soon arrived in the form of several stolen Rheinland Cruisers, and the Hessians retreated to Freital base in Omega-11. For them, backup was not coming. A certain bribe to the Rheinland Military was completed through a Junker contact in New Berlin, and the Military forces were tying up all Hessian reserves in Dresden. Radio contact was quickly cut off from the base, and a distress call was never sent. All that was recieved by Freital was a garbled message that read: "Hel..R.ei.......litary.......ki..ing.......ass......we....su.k....o...mu..h....". needless to say, scrambled signals are sometimes the best censor. No help was sent, as the Hessians tend to get prank signals from Solarius about twice a day, and all that was sent was a rather hateful message, which really should have been scrambled. Too bad that doesn't happen in reverse.

The forces at Freital, in contrast, fared surprisingly well. By this time, they consisted of several mismatched squadrons which had all either retreated from previous positions, or had been stationed there in the first place. The ones who had retreated were given a flogging for their running though, as no Hessian deserts their post (all noobs die equal). Strangely enough, this actually strengthened their resolve. Fighting extra hard, each managed to bring down two, maybe three fighters each, before they succumbed to the powerful weapons of the Corsairs. All in all, the Hessians racked up 5 destroyed TR-13's, 11 downed Titans, and smashed 1 Rheinland Cruiser, which was hit by a lucky torpedo up the engine exhaust. Lucky in a kill sort of way, not in any ship-on-ship sort of way. Perverts. I have no idea where you'd get that notion. The people I write for...

On the Alexandrian front, things were much harder for the Corsairs. The Outcasts put up one hell of a struggle, only being pushed back to Darius before they completely stalled the advance. With their own home system so near, and constant reinforcements of Sabres and their own stolen Rheinland Cruisers flooding in, it is a very hard battle to win for the already weary Corsairs. The push back, however, was an epic tale of ambush and the good use of superior firepower. Small Corsair patrols were sent out to lure Outcast forces into the nebule where the Perdiccas depot is located. Once there, the Corsairs AWACS ships kicked in. They had, several weeks before, found a contact in Liberty who was working on a project which involved sensor enhancement and communications blocking equipment. Through the Junkers, who conduct nearly all of their major deals inside of the four houses, they were able to get ahold of several transport ships equipped with the technology developed. The AWACS were able to successfully block all incoming and outgoing communications from ships within eight kilometers of the ship. Not only that, but they would also enhance all radar detection for nearby vessels up to the same eight kilometers of communications blockage. Thanks to this, none of the patrols sent a single distress signal as they were beseiged by masses of fighters and cruisers.

For the first hour of the attack this went on, with at least 40 Outcast wings flying into the teeth of the Corsair offensive force. Sooner or later, a station commander aboard one of the planetary bases in-system must have realised that their patrols weren't coming back, and ordered all remaining wings back to base. Having no idea what had happened, the Outcasts were baffled. It could have been the Corsairs, yes, but sometimes it's just dumb pilots flying into planets, being caught by Liberty Navy patrols, or even attacked by the infamous Nomads. Only when the Outcast started decoding messages from Corsair ships withing system id they finally get a clear picture of what was going on. Instead of a counterattack that would surely end in failiure, they simply waited. Half an hour later, they were hit by a force they had never imagined possible. 20 Rheinland Cruisers, 60 TR-13's, and 100+ Titans assaulted the forces stationed at Achean. Within a few minutes, the Outcasts had their own reinforcements in place, unfortunately consisting of a pitiful 9 Rheinland Cruisers, 30 Sabres, and 40 Stilletos. Through the expert flying of the Outcasts, these ships were made quite effective killing machines, and managed to down a fair few of the opposing force before they expired and went down in the traditional piercing scream cut short by a fireball of H-Fuel and shrapnel. After an epic 2 hour battle, Achean was lost, and the Corsair incursion began moving toward Darius. Reinforcements moving in the direction of Achean had been diverted to Darius, since the Outcasts saw that they were inevitably going to lose the planet. By the time the Corsairs assaulted, they had been repaired, re-equipped, and had a fresh batch of ships and pilots ready. Their numbers were now around 15 Rheinland Cruisers, 40 TR-13's, and 87 Titans. The Outcasts had about 13 Rheinland Cruisers, 32 Sabres, and 67 Stilletos. Unfortunate for them, they didn't have the same defensive measures on Darius as they had on Malta. On their home turf, they have a large amount of antimatter missiles, ready and waiting for any opposing military force that may enter the Omicron Alpha system.

Upper hands are something completely unknown to exist when the Outcasts and the Corsairs do battle; they both have a firey determination to win, not to mention the best weapons and fighting skills in Sirius. Fighting between their patrols can take hours at a time - they're simply that good. In fact, if you look in Alexandria right now, they're still fighting over control of the planet. The Corsairs have been within two kilometres of the docking ring on Darius three times so far, only to be beaten back again and again.

Many have wondered what will happen if the Corsairs win their place as rulers of the underworld in Alexandria. They say that Artifacts could take over as the main contraband, rather than Cardamine. They also say that we'll be talking a slightly different spanish dialect when dealing with the black market. I prefer not to believe in any of this hype, though; I'd rather watch the play-by-play that my unpaid interns have been filming for me. I like the up close and personal touch. They almost died, of course, but who cares? They're interns!

Comfort, *omnompopcornnomnomnom*, AoF Void News.

Bananas, contary to popular belief, cause a lot of grief around Sirius these days. They have been doing dastardly things all over the place, causing political havoc within the four houses.

These deaths are no random occurence, however. They have been perpetrated by a new Europan terrorist cell, known simply as "the Peanut-Butter-Jelly-Timers". Their aims are unclear; all we know is that they have been running around Sirius for the past few months, dancing to the Peanut-Butter-Jelly-Time tune in their trademark banana costumes, and then killing everyone within sight in mass suicide bombings. The most recent of these was in the New Berlin system, where, strangely enough, the banana-suited man actually sang a long rendition of "The Sound of Music" before blowing himself up. What's even more strange is that no police apprehended him in this time. Lax security? We say yes.

Some psychiatrists have come up with a theory that these people have actually been hypnotised. Strangely dilated pupils and headphones wrapped around their necks have supported this theory. It is thought that someone out there may be kidnapping homeless people and turning them into mindless zombies, fitting them with headphones continuously pumping their new "favourite" song, and then giving them a target to bomb. The location of this strangers' brainwashing facility is unknown, but it is suspected they may be at Dr. Moorkweed's old lab of evil in the Denver mountains. So, we're gearing up the chopper (Yes, they fly through space!), and we're flying over to Denver for some up close action! Banana's be gone!!

Comfort, AoF Void News.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. It is the day we've all been waiting for. Screw chancellor Pausbeck, we now have a better holiday - mass games day!

This is a day of fun. Of simple yet complicated games of joyous occasion. The games of which we speak are a prestigious tradition, stretching all the way back to last week. They are open for all; players and npc alike. Each system plays host to a different game, chosen by the person hosting that system.

This week, there is: battleship; mine tag; bounty hunting; chess; where's waldo; blues clues (nomad style); racing time trials; and checkers. Each will be, in order, in: Tartarus; Colorado; Texas; Cambridge; Omega-5; Nomad 1; Dublin; and Kyushu. Do remember the respective rules for each game. Oh, and the Nomads aren't taking Order to play blues clues. They just can't sing the ditties needed.

A full naval guard task force will be stationed in each system to overlook the games. Last time there was some rather slanderous inults towards the Nomad parties, and it was not appreciated by any side. Fortunately, the translators just happened to "malfunction" at the time of this altercation, and no incidents occured. This year, we are expecting incidents involving several parties, mainly the Hel and the Order factions. The Order want to sing, and so do the Hel. Apparently, they make quite a nice duet, with an Order operative on the piano, and a Hel singing. Pretty much just like Zeta-1 Scorpii. Erm... then again, maybe they aren't so good.

To all wishing to attend, I say one thing and one thing only: Bring a packed lunch, the games are long and your ship ain't docking anywhere anytime during the event. Also bring something to do your... *ahem*... "business" in.

Comfort, super-excited about playing blues clues, AoF Void News.